Every conversation that we have in life yields growth. How many new people have you had a conversation with this month? Every difficult conversation that we have spurs broader perspective and leads to introspection. How many voluntary difficult discussions have you had this month? Each time we stand up for what we believe in (publicly or privately) we gain resolution of purpose and practice self-love. When was the last time you spoke out against something you did not believe in?
The tech age has opened up doors to mass communication less geographic limitation. There is virtually unlimited opportunity to discuss the issues of the day over social media. Which, in turn, results in more opportunity for confrontation, frustration, and development to occur. Knowledge is so much more attainable than it has been in the past. There are reasonable and intelligent people with differing views and life experiences all over.
Realizing that most of us have only experienced a minuscule speck of the American – Global experience is crucial and humbling. Breadth of understanding regarding complex global, national, state, and local issues is impossible without broad perspective; start searching. Three vital characteristics of these challenging conversations will be explored throughout the remainder of this article.
Control the volume
It is rare that high volume conversations result in intelligent and respectful discussion. Yelling more than often leads to jousting matches aimed at hurting one another rather than growing collective perspective. Do not let the politics of the day, principally disrespectful child-like name-calling and encouraged divisiveness, set the tone of your conversations.
If the volume starts to raise during a conversation, that is an indicator that your discussion has merit, passion and meaning. To stabilize that volume, both participants must make a conscious effort to take a turn as the speaker and as the listener. If, as the listener, you let the other person finish their full uninterrupted thought, then your retort will most likely be met with equal courtesy. Another important role of the listener is to ask concise questions that can close the knowledge or perspective gap between the participants. One effective question can rapidly reduce confusion and reveal the end goal of the participant that asks the question, thus focusing in on the purpose of the conversation. In addition, each participant should strive to stay focused on the point they are debating and see the conversation through until a resolution is met or further discussion at another time is agreed upon. Unfinished business can stir up increased emotion and infect future conversations.
Acknowledge what you agree on
Relationships are often built off of shared purpose and or familiar circumstance. For instance, freshman in college dormitories have chosen the same university and are placed blindly into cramped quarters for a year, resulting in shared purpose through the university and shared circumstance in their dorm room. This situation often yields close and lasting relationships. Similarly, in each of our journeys, we have goals that we want to achieve personally and professionally. To enable those goals we must build relationships through conversation and interaction. In the initial interactions between individuals, bonding on shared purpose and or shared circumstance is crucial. It builds a wide base for the relationship and enables lasting durability. Diplomacy between countries, for instance, should be built on mutual peace and partnership. What better shared purpose can spur conversation? But, in reality, diplomacy between countries is often detrimentally affected by many roadblocks. Countries relationships often stray away from the shared purpose that nations in an interconnected global system should embrace. The focus too often is magnified on what they do not have in common or on how their circumstances are different. Avoid this common pitfall in your relationships at all costs.
Embrace confrontation, it is necessary for growth
Confrontation results in one of the two reactions humans encounter when a situation becomes pressurized, fight or flight. I have often pondered the instances in my life where I chose not to speak up and reacted with flight or silence. Those reactions stem from a life that has not seen much confrontation until recent years; the more I practice the more I lean towards respectful, immediate confrontation. My reaction time is closing and the courage that it yields is freeing.
Confronting ideas or actions you do not agree with can also change the way you think because confrontation raises deep level issues from the depths of your subconscious. True feelings unseen by others and unexpressed by yourself will ooze out in these situations. When this happens, natural and authentic growth occurs.
Topics worth standing up for will lead to confrontation, it is inevitable for all beliefs and ideals that merit defending. Embrace it.
Action Request:
Do not waste time on passionless discussions because they are worthless and elementary. Instead, experience difficult conversations in their various forms. Practice = Courage = Action = Change = Better World.